What is there to say at the close of one of the loneliest, angriest years in recent memory? There are countless tragedies to account for but inadequate outlets for release or mechanisms for corrective justice, and the worst part is that none of it will be wiped clean in the new year. So let’s agree to dispense with the resolutions and simply say thank you, to each other and to ourselves, for still being here.
Before we say goodbye and good riddance to 2020, here’s one last look at the things that stood out as superlative.
Most Likely to Increase Serotonin
Every episode of The Baby-Sitter’s Club on Netflix. Bonus points for any scene with Claudia Kishi sporting a capital-L Look that makes me, a 24-year-old woman, feel a pang of outfit envy.
Most Underwhelming
Was it just me, or did the most recent season of Bake Off feel like an undercooked pastry that’s gone soggy and deflated in the middle? Maybe expectations for the show to uplift the spirits of quarantined viewers on both sides of the Atlantic were unreasonably high, or maybe this was a transitional season to adjust to the addition of a new host. It didn’t help that the chemistry among the bakers this season wasn’t my favorite and the quirkier characters were sent home early. By the end I just wanted anyone but Dave and his soulless eyes to win. Anyway, congrats to Peter and the ventriloquist controlling his strings – he’s a real boy now!
Most Whelming
Nobody expected Midnight Sun, Stephanie Meyer’s companion novel to Twilight told from Edward’s perspective, to be any better than the original. Rest assured, it wasn’t.
Most Despicable Fictionalized Prince Charles Moment
The scene in season four of The Crown where he yells at Diana for being photographed hugging a child with AIDs because, according to him, it was a calculated move to make Camilla realize the public would never love her the way they did Diana. The delusion, the incompetence, the inhumanity of it all. Guillotine, expeditiously!
Most Despicable Real-Life Prince Charles Moment
Making his sons, Harry and William, walk behind their mother’s casket in Diana’s funeral procession in order to shield himself from getting rightfully booed by the public. This actually happened in 1997 but I learned about it in 2020 (thanks, You’re Wrong About), so it’s going on the list.
Funniest Notification
Most Likely to Make You Yearn
The “Silly Games” scene in Lovers Rock (dir. Steve McQueen).
The hot springs scene in The Half of It (dir. Alice Wu).
Best Dramatization of the Female Gaze
Yes, God, Yes (dir. Karen Maine) understands the power of a hairy forearm. Amen.
Most Delightfully Weird and Specific Fandom Joke
Drake has a penchant for hopping on musical trends and sampling eclectic sounds from regions all over the world. What if (god forbid) he chose K-pop as the next wave to ride? The jokes BTS fans made about this hypothetical scenario culminated in an ear worm that’s stuffed to the brim with fandom references and Korean-English wordplay that rides the line between trolling and genuinely good.
Best Twitter Protagonists of the Day
Alison Roman vs. Chrissy Teigen: a battle of the out of touch food influencers. Winner: Marie Kondo, for continuing to post photos of her giant baby in blissful ignorance of who either of these women are or the fact that Alison Roman called her a sellout.
Sohla El Waylly vs. Bon Appétit/Conde Nast: another battle set in the culinary world, but with much higher stakes. Winner: El Waylly, who set off a firestorm by exposing how corporate policies discriminated against employees of color before leaving the company for bigger and better things. The saga also gave us this gem of a supercut.
Christie Smythe vs. Good Choices: making Martin Shkreli the ghastly centerpiece of your mid-life crisis and then trying to get a book deal out of it is certainly A Choice. Winner: The Vampire’s Wife, a British fashion brand that got an unexpected boost of awareness on social media due to the bizarre styling choices of Smythe’s editorial.
Jameela Jamil vs. The World: something about bees and not shaving and condescending walls of text explaining how much money and privilege it takes to have good skin, like we didn’t already know. Winner: me, because I love mess.
Best Way to Say Happy Wednesday
The Renner Files is a mock true crime podcast that investigates the mystery of the Jeremy Renner app: its origins, its function, its users, its downfall and what this cautionary tale says about celebrity culture and ironic internet comedy. It also informs listeners that the best way to wish someone a happy Wednesday is to do like the Jeremy Renner app, which sent out push notifications on Wednesdays (and some Thursdays, randomly) reading: “Happy Rennsday!”
And Finally, Some Texts I Sent & Received in 2020
Have a Happy Rennsday!
Look up “miserable” in the dictionary and it’s Prince Charles!! Fictional and otherwise!